Kiss Me Through

So I asked Mr this morning if he would grant me a break (he is Dom and I am sub - of sorts).

He has an awful lot of stuff going on for him at the moment and I don't want him to feel that I am not there for him.  It just all gets too much sometimes.  Actually that is not true.  Me asking for some time out is about me and my primary relationship.  We have struggled through from the very start and just as things start to look up they skydive again.

All I want is for Mr to whisk me up, tell me everything will be okay, to hold me afloat so I can cope.  I thought about calling him.  I sat crying this morning and it was all I could do to not ring.  Instead I messaged.  I know if I speak with him that everything will melt away.  That I will feel better.  That I won't ask for what it is I think I need.  What I want, secretly want, is for him to say no.  For him to say "no way.  You can't have a break, you are where you need to be."  In some ways I think this may be true.  In other ways it spells disaster.

How is it possible to have this relationship with my other significant other, my primary significant other but be reliant on someone else to fill what it is I need?  How is it possible for it to ever work when I fight with said S/O or things are hard with my life in general and all I want to do is run to Mr, to have him pick up the pieces, to talk me down, to kiss me through.

S/O does not like to kiss, not ever and TBH he isn't that great in that regard.  I was in a session with Mr the other day and he kissed me.  I think my eyes may just have popped out of my head.  The intimacy, intensity and rawness was just overwhelming.


I am starting to rely on Mr too much.  I am starting to want him too much.  I am starting to need him and that puts everything else in a rather unsafe space.

I need to back away to gain some control and perspective but maybe I need to stay for much the same reason.

He hasn't replied yet.  I am trying with everything I have not to ring.