Get Fucked (a little swearing)

So I am withdrawn.

I am not contacting him.  It isn't permanent.  It is just what I am doing now in this moment.  It isn't deliberate.  It is just what I feel like I need to do right now.  Okay so yeah, maybe there is some element of deliberate, conscious thought in there....

The thing is, he should be contacting me.  He should be checking up on me.  He should be asking of me, requiring of me, taking care of his property and he isn't.  So now I am pissed off and I am not contacting him more (so there).  That'll show him.  No I am not trying to get him to take particular actions, topping from the bottom or whatever...not really...

I have done this before and I know it takes a bit of time.  Sometimes longer than others and then I cave and crawl to him, beg of him.  I know he is waiting for me to do it.

I am not going to this time, though.  He should be caring for me, making sure I am okay.  In our last session he pushed me so much further than he should have.  Well maybe not because when I look back I want to re-live it (seriously - how fucked up is ttwd) but he should still be making sure I am okay so he can go GET FUCKED because I am not contacting him.

You would think that when your sub is there, pleading, bleeding, being held down, screaming, you would think that after she takes it, a little more after care would be extended - regardless of how "okay" she seems after.  I had a fucking handprint in bruises on my back from being held down and pushed...well anyway, lets just say fisting has a whole new meaning for me now and where once it meant pure, unadulterated, giant, screaming, squirting orgasms now it also means FUCK YOU MR - I can't believe you would make someone fist my arse you mother fucker.

I can't explain how pissed off I am that I was genuinely withdrawn for one day (yesterday) not sad or anything just blank and then overnight I am morphed into wanting to see him, contemplating how and when and if I will message him.  I wonder how long I can hold out.  I wonder if I will get in trouble if it is a long time or not.  I hate it.  I can't believe I am even thinking about thinking about wanting to see him.

He knows he pushed me too fucking far.  Seriously I came over a hundred times in 9 hours.  Lost count at 80 something.  He thinks just because he can make me cum by telling me to it is funny to watch me....and I guess it is....and I guess I enjoy it...How the fuck it is possible to cum when everything you are is screaming that you don't want to and....oh never mind....

Thanks Bitching Post - clearly I needed to vent...and Mr - a big fat FUCK YOU    (which I am sure will be far from your first or last, why?  because you are a mother fucker.)

Now someone hand me my phone, I really need to arrange to go see him....

Really guys, can someone explain this thing we do again, and why we do it?