her and Him and me....and Me and them

We haven't seen each other for a while.  None of us.

It makes it hard in some ways and easy in others. 

I spoke with him for the first time in a really long time.  He said he missed me.  That they both missed me.  That they both love me.  I don't know how I feel about that.  I know I miss them and I do love them.  I just don't know how I love them.  It is a strange kind of beast TTWD.

Mr has another (several others)  but there is one other who...I don't know.  She matters.  We both do.  But she matters more.  And sometimes that is fine.  Most of the time that is fine.  But sometimes?  Sometimes it is not fine.

 Most of the time I see that we all care for each other in different ways and fill spaces in each others lives that are left there just for one another.  A space just for me, for Him, for her.  Sometimes though?  Sometimes I wonder if that is enough.

I wonder if I am exchanging half a relationship for another half a relationship. 

This break has been interesting.  All of the obsessive compulsive interacting has fallen away and all that is left is just the raw bits, some parts are sexually needy, but most of it is just genuine friendship and concern and I guess that is pretty great. 

Sometimes I just want to see her.  All of her and only her.  Sometimes I just want to be with him.  I guess I get that and I am grateful. 

In my other shoes I am a Mistress.  I never write about it much.  Particularly in the early stages of a relationship with a pet.  It doesn't feel okay somehow.  I am fairly open about everything within my life as a sub and a wife.  As Mistress though?  I don't know.  The level of trust that someone places in you?  Writing about it does not feel okay.  I care for them.  I care for them very much.  It is not the same as Him and her though.  Not nearly.

I wonder why.

I wonder why and what that means.

and then I text to tell pup to play, to arrange a meeting, to laugh about something, to see how his day is going and he wants it and adores it and I think maybe that is okay.

and then Mr rings and asks if he can make dinner for her and me, to ask how my day is, to tell me I am awesome or cheeky, to touch base and say that he cares and I adore it and I think that maybe, that it okay too.