Why Blog here

It's been awhile since I've explained what it is we're doing here.....

This is an anonymous blog -- anyone can ask to join us and may -- in the freedom of their anonymity -- blog, bitch, vent -- as needed. It's a place where you don't have to censor yourself for the sake of your partner(s) or readers.

some of us have other blogs
some of us don't have a blog and just want to try blogging out for size

If you would like to join us -- all you need is a gmail account -- (I recommend that you get a new one if you wish to remain anonymous) -- email me at yourpeacefulone@gmail.com

and then when you are invited to join -- post at will (it's nice to not post on the same day someone else has posted so they have at least one day in the sun)

If you want folks to follow your story-- put your name (your new name) in the label and I'll create a link for it.

Come join us -- blogging is fun -- but horribly horribly horribly addictive

Spider

I hate her.

She's always there waiting for a moment with him.

Waiting for me to go to work or the grocery store or for a walk.

She never goes anywhere.

She's there.

Waiting.

For a moment with him.

Like a big black spider.

I might feel sorry for her.

But I don't.

She hates me too.

I am not weak...

Being a sub does not make me weak

...or foolish
...or addle brained

it does not make me

...fragile
...vulnerable

it does not make me less of a person

I am not a victim
I am not a child

I may be HIS object
but I will not be objectified by anyone else

ever

I am a strong, confident, capable woman

I choose to submit
to endure
to sacrifice
to serve

I choose

I am not forced
I am not coerced
I am not influenced
I am not dominated

I am a force to be reckoned with

and I make
and I own

my own choices

A Little Rant

This is not the worst thing in the world. Maybe it's not even worth bitching about. But it drives me a little crazy, and I just need to rant a little.

Why, why, why can't Sir return e-mail messages? Consistently return text messages? It's not that hard. It just isn't.

~~~ I started this post a few days ago - I should have just gone ahead and posted then, when I had so little to complain about. LOL.

Instead, here I am, wondering wtf I'm doing in this relationship anyhow. He's obviously not really interested in me. He's not really into touching me. He's not into spanking. Or rules or lots of control. He doesn't want to meet my family, even though we're clearly dating, you know, not a mostly phone or online relationship, and have been for a while. And he thinks that making sure I have an orgasm is an obligation rather than something He wants to do. (Yes, he said the obligation part, the rest of it is me.)

No, we haven't argued. As far as I'm concerned there's no point in arguing. Our relationship is still so new that I'm just gathering information about who he is.

And maybe I'm just viewing things through the lens of someone who was on orgasm restriction, and anticipating that ending about 12 hours ago, but here I am still. Tense. Despite having spent an hour in really sensual play that led to him having what he described as an amazingly intense orgasm.

I thought lots of orgasms was the perk of being submissive. Or at least one orgasm. It is not that hard to make me cum.

He promises to take care of me today. That's nice. I predict he'll pull out a tool - probably the Hitachi - and expect to spend a couple of minutes holding it between my legs. I think that's going to make me feel sad.

Damn it. There are lots of things I like about this man. But this is bull - this is not going to work for me.

I guess I need to be talking to him rather than ranting here. But (laughing) this is so much easier.

Words of advice welcome...

Pierced

Just had to let you know that I got my clit pierced today!  Squeeee!  Will post on it when I have time - flying visit.  Loved it and have begged for it for a little while.  Still processing.  This could get addictive...Oh and it was by Sir and in play.  Yeah baby!

Depression Again

 I was complete and okay and whole. 

A day thinking and I am disconnected and not quite sad but melancholic.

Then I look at him and for all of the reasons I want him to leave I don't feel I can ask.

Not now.

But when.

Soon.

But I have said that for a while.

If not aloud, in the corners of my head where I try not to look.

I woke up this morning and I knew it.

In the core of who I am I felt it.

Not in an angry or sad way, not in a terrible way.

It was just there, not even a choice.

It was just - is just the only thing I can do.

For him.

And for me.

Because I cannot look at him in his misery and not wonder if he could be happier somewhere else for one second longer.

Because I cannot keep looking at myself exasperated, sad and nasty in the face of his pathetic incapacity to be a whole person, to be in control of himself.

To own who he is.  

If it was someone else I would not see them that way.

But it is not someone else.

He is him.

And I do love him.

And I want him to be happy.

And I want me to be happy

And I know that here.

We cannot have that.

So I will think about what I have to do for me and for my kids.

And I will move deliberately

And surely

To protect us all from each other.

Because he can't.

That is why it has to be this way.

Want

I want him so badly it burns in my chest.

I want him so badly that when I walk I feel my cunt brushing against my panties.

I want him so badly I feel my nipples tingle and swell when I think of him.

I want him so badly it is blinding. 

It suffocates me.

It wraps me up, cocoons me, keeps me safe.

It exposes me.

It makes me open, vulnerable and exposed.

I want him so badly I only think of him when my heart beats.

And when I think of him my heart beats because I want him so badly.